I can't breathe.
there's an emptiness in my chest.
And it's all her fault. I'm going to die.
Oh my gahh. I'm going to die now. I miss you so much...</3
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Letter From Me To My Dead Brother
11/24/10
Dear Rusten, I love you so much. I miss you more then I’d miss air. But I guess it’s okay if it was your time to go, but I don’t really think it was. But I bet you’re way happier, so in that case, enjoy it man, I bet its hella fun wherever you are. I guess since you’re way happier, I can be okay with this, somewhat. I will still look back on the memories and I will still cry, and I will still see people that remind me of you, and I will still see your car constantly around town, and I will still see your shoes, hands, and shirts on other people but now I will smile and think of you. I will smile and cry through the sentimental value of eating fully stuffed nachos while watching South Park
Alissa.
Your 15 year old sister that would sometimes annoy you but we got over that.
By Alissa Muhlestein ©
11/24/10
I can never really say I’ve gotten over you because I just can’t, but I feel like I’m coming to terms with this whole thing. I will always love and care about you. I will always miss our late night talks, our late night shenanigans, when we would hang out constantly. When we saw the Simpsons movie and before we went into the theatre or even got out of the car you showed me “Instie” and used him. Then the movie was even funnier even for me because your laughter provoked my own laughter, and made me feel even closer to you. I miss your hugs, they always made me feel better. You always smelled like axe, cigarettes and cold air, and felt secure. What I would give for one more of those amazing hugs… I will always miss you more then anything. There is nothing more in life then family bonds, the brotherly/sisterly bond we have will never be broken, no matter what. I love you. Alissa <3
By Alissa Muhlestein ©
The Craziest Days Of My Life (The True Story, Exactly How It Happened)
7/30/10
I was astonished when I opened the text that morning from Nikey that told me Makenna and Aaron (My two favorite people at the time.) were at the mall with him and that I should come. I was excited, and I got ready. Then Makenna found out I was coming, and told me she was going to kill me. She let Nikey record her threatening my life, while sitting by Aaron, with his arm awkwardly and umcomfortably around her, and Nikey sent it to me. I loved her, so I didn’t care at all. I WANTED her to kill me. It would have been the best death ever. So when I got there, I texted them and they wouldn’t answer. I was feeling extremely anxious and queasy, about to barf. I received the text “We’re at hot topic.” From Nikey. I felt the blood run cold in my face, as I realized I was one story above there, opposite it. So I could see into the store from there. I felt dizzy, and almost died. I wish I was joking. So I quickly ran down the stairs, excited but barfy, and I stopped at a few tables when I noticed a pair of icy turquoise eyes glaring through my soul like crystal daggers. I loved her, and she hated me, SO MUCH. It was impossible to bear. I was sweating as I walked into the doors, and I instantly stumbled upon Aaron, kneeled down looking at t-shirts on the bottom shelf. He looked up and I asked “What is this Faggotry?” because he didn’t answer any of my texts and he just looked back at the shirts and ignored me. I stumbled awkwardly over to Nikey, and there she was. Makenna FRIGGEN Mangini. So pretty, so perfect, SO HATING ME. All at once. I couldn’t believe it. I stood awkwardly behind Nikey scared she would try to lunge at me and put me down. Then they bought stuff and we went to another store, I don’t recall which. We got smoothies I think, and we sat on a bench in the mall. Nikey started crying, and Makenna and I went to attend to him, both his best friends and both worried. “What’s wrong Nikey? Tell me!” Makenna demanded.
“You and Alissa…. *SOBS!*” (Can’t finish sentence) Cried Nikey.
“Nikey you can’t make them be friends. It’s not up to you. Stop this now.” Aaron snapped.
Makenna tried to pretend we were slightly getting along, but only for Nikey’s sake. Nikey became happy, and then grabbed my arms and wrapped them around Makenna for me. I was uncomfortable at first, but then I was extremely happy. I kept saying “Why are you doing this?” Like I didn’t like it, but I did. I was mouthing “Thank you.” ‘s inbetween the why are you doing this?’s. He took pictures for me. I was extremely happy that day after I went home. I texted Makenna and she was acting like we were friends for awhile. Then she said “You know I’m only doing this for Nikey right? I really hate you.” And I said “Good enough for me(:”
7/31/10
The next day I woke up early for the church beach trip, and drove to Nikey’s house to get him. He woke up finally and we went. We listened to music on the way to the beach, and I think we fell asleep. I wore my holey pants to the beach that day. We arrived at the beach, and we packed all our stuff to the water. It was really exciting and fun. Nikey and I wrote our names and hearts in the sand. Myself, preoccupied with thoughts of Aaron, wrote secret “I love Aaron!” ‘s in the sand, then trampled them before Nikey could see. My phone was broken so I brought my dad’s cell to the beach for contact with my parents. We ate hot dogs, and dorritoes. I started playing with the seagulls, by throwing a dorritoe out into the sand infront of me, then they’d scamper in to catch it, but I’d wait till they got all the way to like a foot away from the chip and then run at them and scream and they’d fly away. We did this for atleast an hour, you think they’d leard. We took a video of it too. This is now my favorite game to play at the beach. Tramatize the Seagulls. Sharon Gordon , Jordan
“Those messages were from and to Aaron, weren’t they?”
*Silence…*
My silence was answered with “You little Scallywag…” and we laughed, but I knew I was in trouble. So Rick Curry dropped us off at my house and I got on some short shorts (since we were hanging out with Aaron) when I realized as I slipped on my shorts, that I had three red oval shapes on my thighs. My holey pants had deceived me. They were sunburns. It looked ridiculous. But I wore them anyway. We walked to the Meadows park, myself skeptically, Nikey excitedly as if it were only the two of us, and that it would be fun. We got there, and swung on the swings. Nikey realized that Aaron would be joining us, and sighed. Not too upset, yet. Aaron arrived a hefty amount of minutes later, gliding parallel to us, slightly curving toward us on his skateboard. He was a greek god, nobody could deny that. He sat walked over, and I stood up and asked for a hug. He gladly welcomed one. He waved at Nikey “Hi man.”. and sat down on the swing on the other side of me so I was in the middle of the two of them. I looked at Aaron while him and Nikey conversated, sighing. It was so loud they stopped talking for a second and stared at me. It felt like that anyway. Then I showed Aaron my sunburns, bashfully. He laughed. Then I got up and walked over to the corner of the park, layed down in the grass because I felt I needed some space. They both followed me over there. I layed in the grass and groaned “I’m sooo retarded!!!” and was at the verge of tears. Nikey was complaining that he had to go home because his mom would ground him, and his teeth hurt really bad because he never brushed them. He was complaining so much, so he stood up and left because I said “It isn’t my problem. Just leave if you don’t wanna be here.” He could see that I loved Aaron, and wanted to be alone with him. He left, and called his mom.
After Nikey walked away we sat there in the grass in the same position we were in when he left. We sat there shivering. Then I was like
Alissa: Omg I'm soooo cold!!!
Aaron: YOU'RE cold??? I'm the one shivering over here!
Alissa: Well anyways... I'm such a retard.
Aaron: You are not a retard.
Alissa: Yes I am.
Aaron: *Throws the box of cheeseitz at me and tells me to eat some*
Alissa: No I don't want any. I'm not hungry.
Aaron: It'll make you warmer, trust me.
Alissa: *Takes one finger and slowly opens the box while sighing and going "Ehhh........." and moaning all weird like I do.*
Aaron: *Texting*
Alissa: Okay I'm done. (After I ate one.)
Aaron: You didn't eat one, what the heck?
Alissa: Yes I did. *crunching it in my mouth*
Aaron: Oh okay... *takes the box back*
Alissa: Nikey hates me.
Aaron: “I fucking hate you.”
Alissa: WHAT?!?!?!??!
Aaron: That's what Nikey just said to me...
Alissa: No he didn't. Shut up.
Aaron: Yes he did.
Alissa: Prove it. Show me.
Aaron: Okay. *Show's me the phone...*
Alissa: Oh. It's me he should hate, not you. I'm such a retard.
Aaron: YOU'RE NOT A RETARD!!!
Alissa: What did he say?
Aaron: *Shows me the text about Nikey being done with everything and everyone*
Alissa: Oh great. He just broke up with me.
Aaron: I guess so.
Alissa: Whatever. Is he gone?
Aaron: I think so. Let's go.
Alissa: Okay.
So we get up and walk over to his skateboard and look for Nikey, but he isn’t there so we go through that fence where he came in and we stop, and he just hugs me. Because he knows I'm sad. And we sit there for like 5 minutes. Then he laughs and says "Are you smelling me?" and I'm like "yeah...."
Then we keep walking and I freak out because he is really warm. then he's like:
Aaron: What? You're warm! I'm the cold one!
Alissa: No. *Puts my cold fingers on the back of his neck*
Aaron: *Puts his warm fingers on my neck*
Alissa: Yeah I'm colder then you.
Aaron: No you're not.
Then we keep walking and I say:
Alissa: Holy crap! Feel my sunburn! It's like 600 degrees! And the skin right next to it that isn't burnt is like negative a thousand degrees! Feel it!
Aaron: *Touches my knee* Woah.
Alissa: I know!
Then we keep walking towards his house and it's all awkward and I'm about to say "Yes, I do need all my I love boobies bracelets..." But I get interrupted. He grabs my face and starts making out with me. And I almost pass out. Then like 5 minutes later when he's done I'm like:
Alissa: What I was about to say is... that I DO need all of these bracelets. I had to get mine back from Nikey because it was uneven and it bothered me.
Aaron: Oh.
Alissa: I'd probably give you all of them though, that's how retarded I am. I'm not even joking.
Aaron: Okay haha
Alissa: Whatever though. Nobody gets my bracelets anymore.
Aaron: *Silence*
Then he gives me more directions to his house, and we keep walking. Then we run into this park. Bair park? It is all dark and there are trees everywhere and I'm like:
Alissa: What the heck?
Aaron: Yeah, my house is through here.
Then I stop and stare at him, and he starts making out with me again. and I am passing out. For real. and then he's like hang on, and he goes and sits down on a picnic table and I follow him. Then he's like:
Aaron: Ima sit on you.
Alissa: *Doesn't really know what's going on, or what I should do*
then he sat on me and started making out with me again. and I was like: If you don't stop, I'm seriously going to pass out."
Aaron: Good. Then I can drag you off into the woods and fuck your unconcious body.
Alissa: Well I better not pass out then...
Aaron: Yeah...
then after awhile he's like: You should go home so your mom doesn't freak out any more then she is going to...
Alissa: Yeah, but I don't have any pants, (Besides short shorts) can I borrow some sweat pants?
Aaron: Maybe. But you can't come inside. My dad will freak out. He likes you more then the other girls I've dated, he likes you the best. But you still can't come in, it's like 9pm...
Alissa: Okay, can you get me sweat pants?
Aaron: Idk. Do you know how to get home?
Alissa: No, not at all. I'm sorry I couldn't pay attention to the directions you were giving me, I was distracted...
Aaron: OH my god.
Alissa: Yeah, sorry.
Aaron: Well, you just go down this street and turn a right then you're on river road.
Alissa: That still doesn't help anything. I don't know where I am, I have short shorts on, my phone's dead, and I'm alone. I sure hope I don't get raped. I probably will though.
Aaron: I'm sorry... but there's nothing I can do. I have to go.
Alissa: Bye... *Wanders off into the dark cold and alone not knowing where to go..."
Once I realize how deep in I am, and that I'm completely lost in the dark, in a neighborhood I've never been in, I start to cry. Everythings wrong. I start running, searching for the right place to go, and I see Tiffany's street. Then I think "I should go ask her if I can use her phone, give up, and call my mom..." But then I keep running. Scared of that alternative. I imagine how weird I must look running down the streets in short shorts and dress shoes, alone, and 9:30 at night. Several car lights go by me, and I just cringe because I probably look horrible. I see I'm in the wrong place completely, so I turn around and head back to Tiffany's house. But I can't find it. I'm all out of options, when I see a car with weird headlights. One's on and one's off. so I see a headlight and then a smaller yellow light on the other side. I think it's a P.T. Cruiser for some reason and I walk back the way I was going. It drives by and once the headlights are out of my eyes I get a glance at it. There's that familiar old Honda Oddessy with the black bug shield on the front. I think: Maybe it's mom, better check the license plate though... and I look at it and there it is.... ZVJ 617.
Alissa: Oh crap. It's mom. Busted. But at that point I don't care. I'm cold, out of breath and crying. I go sit down on the curb and wait for her to turn around, and she doesn't. So I just sit there crying. About 5 minutes later she comes back, and parks across the street. I get up and walk over to the car and get in. We don't talk. I just sit there crying. Then her phone is ringing and she answers it.
Mom: Yes, thank you. I just barely picked her up. Thank you, bye.
Alissa: Who was that?
I asked, thinking it was my dad or something.
Mom: Aaron's dad.
Alissa: WHAT?? Why???
Mom: I couldn't find you, so I went to Aaron's house and asked his dad. I went looking at the (Meadows) park and you weren't there. I was getting worried. so his dad told me where you were, and I came and got you.
Then she and I didn't talk. I only cried. and then:
Mom: Are you hungry?
Alissa: NO. I'm not hungry. I don't want any food.
Mom: Not even Kentucky Fried Chicken?
and I give in, only because it's Michael Jackson's favorite.
Mom: So what's wrong?
Alissa: I can't explain it. It's impossible.
Mom: Okay well tell me when you can.
Then we got food and I ate it, while crying like a retard.
Then she kept asking what was wrong so I explained everything. Nikey, Aaron, Me, Makenna. The mall the day before. Everything. She knew we were going out too. So then we went home and fixed my phone, and I fell asleep. The end. Of the craziest day of my life.
Alissa: Omg I'm soooo cold!!!
Aaron: YOU'RE cold??? I'm the one shivering over here!
Alissa: Well anyways... I'm such a retard.
Aaron: You are not a retard.
Alissa: Yes I am.
Aaron: *Throws the box of cheeseitz at me and tells me to eat some*
Alissa: No I don't want any. I'm not hungry.
Aaron: It'll make you warmer, trust me.
Alissa: *Takes one finger and slowly opens the box while sighing and going "Ehhh........." and moaning all weird like I do.*
Aaron: *Texting*
Alissa: Okay I'm done. (After I ate one.)
Aaron: You didn't eat one, what the heck?
Alissa: Yes I did. *crunching it in my mouth*
Aaron: Oh okay... *takes the box back*
Alissa: Nikey hates me.
Aaron: “I fucking hate you.”
Alissa: WHAT?!?!?!??!
Aaron: That's what Nikey just said to me...
Alissa: No he didn't. Shut up.
Aaron: Yes he did.
Alissa: Prove it. Show me.
Aaron: Okay. *Show's me the phone...*
Alissa: Oh. It's me he should hate, not you. I'm such a retard.
Aaron: YOU'RE NOT A RETARD!!!
Alissa: What did he say?
Aaron: *Shows me the text about Nikey being done with everything and everyone*
Alissa: Oh great. He just broke up with me.
Aaron: I guess so.
Alissa: Whatever. Is he gone?
Aaron: I think so. Let's go.
Alissa: Okay.
So we get up and walk over to his skateboard and look for Nikey, but he isn’t there so we go through that fence where he came in and we stop, and he just hugs me. Because he knows I'm sad. And we sit there for like 5 minutes. Then he laughs and says "Are you smelling me?" and I'm like "yeah...."
Then we keep walking and I freak out because he is really warm. then he's like:
Aaron: What? You're warm! I'm the cold one!
Alissa: No. *Puts my cold fingers on the back of his neck*
Aaron: *Puts his warm fingers on my neck*
Alissa: Yeah I'm colder then you.
Aaron: No you're not.
Then we keep walking and I say:
Alissa: Holy crap! Feel my sunburn! It's like 600 degrees! And the skin right next to it that isn't burnt is like negative a thousand degrees! Feel it!
Aaron: *Touches my knee* Woah.
Alissa: I know!
Then we keep walking towards his house and it's all awkward and I'm about to say "Yes, I do need all my I love boobies bracelets..." But I get interrupted. He grabs my face and starts making out with me. And I almost pass out. Then like 5 minutes later when he's done I'm like:
Alissa: What I was about to say is... that I DO need all of these bracelets. I had to get mine back from Nikey because it was uneven and it bothered me.
Aaron: Oh.
Alissa: I'd probably give you all of them though, that's how retarded I am. I'm not even joking.
Aaron: Okay haha
Alissa: Whatever though. Nobody gets my bracelets anymore.
Aaron: *Silence*
Then he gives me more directions to his house, and we keep walking. Then we run into this park. Bair park? It is all dark and there are trees everywhere and I'm like:
Alissa: What the heck?
Aaron: Yeah, my house is through here.
Then I stop and stare at him, and he starts making out with me again. and I am passing out. For real. and then he's like hang on, and he goes and sits down on a picnic table and I follow him. Then he's like:
Aaron: Ima sit on you.
Alissa: *Doesn't really know what's going on, or what I should do*
then he sat on me and started making out with me again. and I was like: If you don't stop, I'm seriously going to pass out."
Aaron: Good. Then I can drag you off into the woods and fuck your unconcious body.
Alissa: Well I better not pass out then...
Aaron: Yeah...
then after awhile he's like: You should go home so your mom doesn't freak out any more then she is going to...
Alissa: Yeah, but I don't have any pants, (Besides short shorts) can I borrow some sweat pants?
Aaron: Maybe. But you can't come inside. My dad will freak out. He likes you more then the other girls I've dated, he likes you the best. But you still can't come in, it's like 9pm...
Alissa: Okay, can you get me sweat pants?
Aaron: Idk. Do you know how to get home?
Alissa: No, not at all. I'm sorry I couldn't pay attention to the directions you were giving me, I was distracted...
Aaron: OH my god.
Alissa: Yeah, sorry.
Aaron: Well, you just go down this street and turn a right then you're on river road.
Alissa: That still doesn't help anything. I don't know where I am, I have short shorts on, my phone's dead, and I'm alone. I sure hope I don't get raped. I probably will though.
Aaron: I'm sorry... but there's nothing I can do. I have to go.
Alissa: Bye... *Wanders off into the dark cold and alone not knowing where to go..."
Once I realize how deep in I am, and that I'm completely lost in the dark, in a neighborhood I've never been in, I start to cry. Everythings wrong. I start running, searching for the right place to go, and I see Tiffany's street. Then I think "I should go ask her if I can use her phone, give up, and call my mom..." But then I keep running. Scared of that alternative. I imagine how weird I must look running down the streets in short shorts and dress shoes, alone, and 9:30 at night. Several car lights go by me, and I just cringe because I probably look horrible. I see I'm in the wrong place completely, so I turn around and head back to Tiffany's house. But I can't find it. I'm all out of options, when I see a car with weird headlights. One's on and one's off. so I see a headlight and then a smaller yellow light on the other side. I think it's a P.T. Cruiser for some reason and I walk back the way I was going. It drives by and once the headlights are out of my eyes I get a glance at it. There's that familiar old Honda Oddessy with the black bug shield on the front. I think: Maybe it's mom, better check the license plate though... and I look at it and there it is.... ZVJ 617.
Alissa: Oh crap. It's mom. Busted. But at that point I don't care. I'm cold, out of breath and crying. I go sit down on the curb and wait for her to turn around, and she doesn't. So I just sit there crying. About 5 minutes later she comes back, and parks across the street. I get up and walk over to the car and get in. We don't talk. I just sit there crying. Then her phone is ringing and she answers it.
Mom: Yes, thank you. I just barely picked her up. Thank you, bye.
Alissa: Who was that?
I asked, thinking it was my dad or something.
Mom: Aaron's dad.
Alissa: WHAT?? Why???
Mom: I couldn't find you, so I went to Aaron's house and asked his dad. I went looking at the (Meadows) park and you weren't there. I was getting worried. so his dad told me where you were, and I came and got you.
Then she and I didn't talk. I only cried. and then:
Mom: Are you hungry?
Alissa: NO. I'm not hungry. I don't want any food.
Mom: Not even Kentucky Fried Chicken?
and I give in, only because it's Michael Jackson's favorite.
Mom: So what's wrong?
Alissa: I can't explain it. It's impossible.
Mom: Okay well tell me when you can.
Then we got food and I ate it, while crying like a retard.
Then she kept asking what was wrong so I explained everything. Nikey, Aaron, Me, Makenna. The mall the day before. Everything. She knew we were going out too. So then we went home and fixed my phone, and I fell asleep. The end. Of the craziest day of my life.
Random Dream I Had
Random Dream I Had
I am in a strange meadow, filled with tulips of all colors and shapes. The grass is very bright, and overwhelming. A small breeze caresses my face, and makes my hair do a timid dance. I look to my right, and I see a very large, grey building, that looks extremely dull, dark and depressing. I walk over towards it, and hear muted squeals, like twisted metal, ripping into shreds. I hesitate, and ponder this. I continue walking over the tiny hill, towards a general staircase, that looks very old, but sturdy, and secure, like an old car that never breaks down. I walk up the creaky stairwell, and enter an old, smoggy hallway. I walk down the hallway; there is only darkness, and faint footsteps in the distance. My heart is pounding and telling me to move on slowly. I continue down the corridor, and my lungs are filled with humid, smoggy air. I enter the room and see there are large blocks of coal on the ground, about three feet wide and seven feet long, and darkness in the whole room. There was a worker in this building, who ignored me, almost instantaneously. I wandered after the worker, as he was walking into another room. The room had shelves that were multiple stories high. There were the blocks of coal, but these ones were bright red, and beaming on each shelf. I stuck my head out, over the railing, and looked down almost 30 floors. There was a lot more coal than I had imagined.
I wandered back into the main room, only to find odd looking characters that were glowing, softly. There was a man, and a woman, in-between the columns of coal. The man held out his hand, reaching for me. He said “I am a spirit, trapped here in misery, with my wife Glenda.” Then he said,
“Please miss, help usss-“ The man hissed as he faded away into the dark, humid air. His wife disappeared with him. What could this mean? I was baffled. The man had asked for help, and said he was a spirit, does that mean....GHOST? Oh my! I have just seen a ghost!! I was shocked, and confused. I ran out of the haunted room, tripping over my shoe laces, and then my shoes disappeared, as well as the rest of my clothes. I have just fallen down a trap door. That was the only logical explanation for what I was experiencing right now. It was even darker than before, pitch black might I add, I had no clothes whatsoever, and I was in a gritty cold slimy substance, which I have just realized is mud.
Then, water. I didn’t realize what was happening, and couldn’t understand why it was. This must be some sort of holding tank, because my screams echoed off the walls of the small enclosed room. I was being hosed off. But who? All I knew was that this wasn’t right, or okay in any way. I wanted my clothes severely, and wanted to be back home.
“Okay miss, your good to go,” Said the voice of an old, scruffy sounding man. I would have assumed this was the worker, if I was thinking at all.
“What are you doing to me? Where are my clothes?” I cried a blood curdling scream.
“Woah miss, calm down! I’m only washing the Jarue off of you,”
“The WHAT????” I screamed. This old man was crazy and in need of some medication.
“The Jarue, you’ll get used to it eventually. It’s really not a big deal, okay? Now lets get you dressed and on your way before it gets back on your soul.”
What the hell was this old bag rambling on about? I wanted to go home.
“Let me go!” I screamed and ripped my arm away from this superior.
He let go and scuffled away slowly. I was alone, in the dark. I was cold, wet, and naked. I felt extremely violated and didn’t know what to do with myself. The scruffy old man trampled back into the room, and before I could say anything, threw something at me. It was a towel. “Dry yourself off and be on your way” He ordered.
“I’m nude you old freak!!!!” I argued.
“You’re clothes will be on your body when you get outside, just go.”
I didn’t believe this old freak but I went outside in my towel anyways.
Oh my gosh, my clothes appeared under my towel, to my surprise. My towel cascaded off of my clothed body as I ran back down the stairs and into the meadow. This has been a very strange day… what is Jarue????? I’ll have to find out somehow. If I don’t find out I’ll go insane sitting in a shady corner rocking back and forth in the fetal position, trying to figure this thing out.
I am in a strange meadow, filled with tulips of all colors and shapes. The grass is very bright, and overwhelming. A small breeze caresses my face, and makes my hair do a timid dance. I look to my right, and I see a very large, grey building, that looks extremely dull, dark and depressing. I walk over towards it, and hear muted squeals, like twisted metal, ripping into shreds. I hesitate, and ponder this. I continue walking over the tiny hill, towards a general staircase, that looks very old, but sturdy, and secure, like an old car that never breaks down. I walk up the creaky stairwell, and enter an old, smoggy hallway. I walk down the hallway; there is only darkness, and faint footsteps in the distance. My heart is pounding and telling me to move on slowly. I continue down the corridor, and my lungs are filled with humid, smoggy air. I enter the room and see there are large blocks of coal on the ground, about three feet wide and seven feet long, and darkness in the whole room. There was a worker in this building, who ignored me, almost instantaneously. I wandered after the worker, as he was walking into another room. The room had shelves that were multiple stories high. There were the blocks of coal, but these ones were bright red, and beaming on each shelf. I stuck my head out, over the railing, and looked down almost 30 floors. There was a lot more coal than I had imagined.
I wandered back into the main room, only to find odd looking characters that were glowing, softly. There was a man, and a woman, in-between the columns of coal. The man held out his hand, reaching for me. He said “I am a spirit, trapped here in misery, with my wife Glenda.” Then he said,
“Please miss, help usss-“ The man hissed as he faded away into the dark, humid air. His wife disappeared with him. What could this mean? I was baffled. The man had asked for help, and said he was a spirit, does that mean....GHOST? Oh my! I have just seen a ghost!! I was shocked, and confused. I ran out of the haunted room, tripping over my shoe laces, and then my shoes disappeared, as well as the rest of my clothes. I have just fallen down a trap door. That was the only logical explanation for what I was experiencing right now. It was even darker than before, pitch black might I add, I had no clothes whatsoever, and I was in a gritty cold slimy substance, which I have just realized is mud.
Then, water. I didn’t realize what was happening, and couldn’t understand why it was. This must be some sort of holding tank, because my screams echoed off the walls of the small enclosed room. I was being hosed off. But who? All I knew was that this wasn’t right, or okay in any way. I wanted my clothes severely, and wanted to be back home.
“Okay miss, your good to go,” Said the voice of an old, scruffy sounding man. I would have assumed this was the worker, if I was thinking at all.
“What are you doing to me? Where are my clothes?” I cried a blood curdling scream.
“Woah miss, calm down! I’m only washing the Jarue off of you,”
“The WHAT????” I screamed. This old man was crazy and in need of some medication.
“The Jarue, you’ll get used to it eventually. It’s really not a big deal, okay? Now lets get you dressed and on your way before it gets back on your soul.”
What the hell was this old bag rambling on about? I wanted to go home.
“Let me go!” I screamed and ripped my arm away from this superior.
He let go and scuffled away slowly. I was alone, in the dark. I was cold, wet, and naked. I felt extremely violated and didn’t know what to do with myself. The scruffy old man trampled back into the room, and before I could say anything, threw something at me. It was a towel. “Dry yourself off and be on your way” He ordered.
“I’m nude you old freak!!!!” I argued.
“You’re clothes will be on your body when you get outside, just go.”
I didn’t believe this old freak but I went outside in my towel anyways.
Oh my gosh, my clothes appeared under my towel, to my surprise. My towel cascaded off of my clothed body as I ran back down the stairs and into the meadow. This has been a very strange day… what is Jarue????? I’ll have to find out somehow. If I don’t find out I’ll go insane sitting in a shady corner rocking back and forth in the fetal position, trying to figure this thing out.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Philosophy
I try not to think of things that bring up painful memories. Wallowing in them will never bring happiness. Sometimes I can't help myself though.
I haate when idiots that I block on facebook post messages about me, and I'm not able to read them. I wish people like that would go die. Seriously.
I haate when idiots that I block on facebook post messages about me, and I'm not able to read them. I wish people like that would go die. Seriously.
My Pet Peeves (Idea From Carolyn)
The words "Pet Peeves"
When people can't spell or use proper grammar.
When a person's only excuse not to do something is "I'm lazy." You wouldn't be lazy if you just did it!
When people don't use their words.
When people put ... instead of words.
When people ignore me.
People comparing songs to their lives that make no sense at all. I mean, if it actually fits, fine. But if not, give up.
People that don't have brains.
People that think they know true literature just because they read Twilight.
People lying to me.
People interrupting me.
Annoying people.
Annoying music.
Annoying noises.
People in general.
People that don't use people words.
People that judge other people.
People touching me, depending on who it is.
People breathing their disgusting breath in my face, polluting my air, and making me want to beat them till they die.
People who complain that they're fat, but do nothing about it, and are lazy and don't even try to loose weight. STFU!!!
People that intentionally annoy me.
People that use me.
Pretenders.
Thieves.
Haters.
That's all for now. Will think of more later.
When people can't spell or use proper grammar.
When a person's only excuse not to do something is "I'm lazy." You wouldn't be lazy if you just did it!
When people don't use their words.
When people put ... instead of words.
When people ignore me.
People comparing songs to their lives that make no sense at all. I mean, if it actually fits, fine. But if not, give up.
People that don't have brains.
People that think they know true literature just because they read Twilight.
People lying to me.
People interrupting me.
Annoying people.
Annoying music.
Annoying noises.
People in general.
People that don't use people words.
People that judge other people.
People touching me, depending on who it is.
People breathing their disgusting breath in my face, polluting my air, and making me want to beat them till they die.
People who complain that they're fat, but do nothing about it, and are lazy and don't even try to loose weight. STFU!!!
People that intentionally annoy me.
People that use me.
Pretenders.
Thieves.
Haters.
That's all for now. Will think of more later.
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Type Of Guys I Like Are All The Same...
1: Michael Jackson:
2: Marilyn Manson:
3: Criss Angel:
4: Gene Simmons:
5: Nick Simmons:
6: Adam Lambert:
7: Blanket (Prince II) Jackson:
8: Prince Jackson:
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Oh my goodness... I miss this girl.
I miss her sooo much. Wow. I can't believe this anymore. Well that's it for now.
New Years Blog
I decided to start this blog because I saw my friend did and it inspired me. I love you Earl :) This blog is to tell how this year goes. At the end of the year, we'll see how well I did at keeping up. It'll be fun to look back, right? Hopefully. I'm becoming inspired by lots of things. I finally believe in God, and his son Jesus. The light has shown my eyes the way. I have figured out many things of greatness, tips of advice, and intelligence for the real world. Hope I don't get any more horrifying life lessons....
The biggest mistakes make the best stories. I don't think I need any more lessons though... I've had enough!!
I want to live life, only caring about myself, true friends and family. Nothing is better than that. :D
The biggest mistakes make the best stories. I don't think I need any more lessons though... I've had enough!!
I want to live life, only caring about myself, true friends and family. Nothing is better than that. :D
The day my brother died.
SENT MESSAGE:
Alissa Jennie Muhlestein June 26, 2009 at 5:29pm
Not really. My brother Rusten died today. I cant handle this. Its fine though dont worry.
I just found this in my sent messages from June 26th, 2009 at 5:29pm... Somebody asked me if I was okay, just randomly. Maybe I was acting sad or something. I wouldn't doubt it. This was about 2 hours after I found out my 26 year old brother Rusten, passed away at about 1:30am in his bed. I was in shock. I remember sitting in front of my house on the porch, on the ground, my knees tucked into my chest, with the phone in my hand, crying, barely holding on, trying my hardest to dial Brianna Koller (My best friend who has helped me through a lot) and I finally did it. It rang, and she answered. She knew. I cried. She comforted me. I thank god for her every day. She helped me more then she could ever imagine. Thank you Brianna.
I love you all.
You decide what to think of this...
Teeth rip through flesh,
blood coursing through the mouth,
I can feel my victim's pain as I think of the life they would have had,
If I weren't eating them.
What's wrong? I'm just having a rare steak.... Calm down people. You care too much about people being eaten, but somehow don't mind when it's a much greater species, more beautiful anyway, the cow. Or any animal for that matter. Animal rights blah blah blah. I'd eat people to stop animal eaters.
The best day in the history of forever!
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE BEEN TO TARGET?!?
I've been going status crazy all day today. I'm sorry Lukas Breen, Earl, Italian, Ke$ha's talents, Jeffrey Dahmer, The little baby (Paper) gangsters, the mustache leaf, the green infected parrot feather we found outside of michaels, the lotion nikey flipped everywhere all over target, the liquid electric blue eyeliner carolyn put on her lips, the axe man perfume I have been spraying all over myself all day... and Dancing to Ke$ha's Cannibal for traffic, while Michael Jacksoning my arms and flapping my tongue at the cars. In target in the music isle pretending to be pregnant and screaming "WHERE'S THE FATHER?!?!" and franticly searching for a CD case. Finally found, it was Michael Jackson's album "Bad". I rubbed it to my tummy and said "There, there children. Daddy's here. Go back to sleep." In Panda Express at the tables with our Dr. Pepper, carolyn had teh hiccups and Said "GIVE IT TO ME! I WANT IT! I'M SICK!" and we laughed at howw wrong it sounded, then later in the car, we told my grandma that joke and she said "Get your mind out of the gutter... So mine can float by!!! AHAHAHA!" SHe made my day. Tons of things made my day. Like figuring out what "STOP, HAMMERTIME!" means and explaining that my babies will be creepy and endearing like the Figaroes pizza creep, who looks like this smiley face >>>{; and eating a friggen turkey's heart. Today would have been that much greater if Rebecca Westerhuis could have joined instead of living in Reno. D':
The WTF blanket snuggie parody!!
(I can't believe a black man's president...)-Old Grandpa
And don't worry, one size fits all so creepy dad's can lie in a seductive pose. You can take your dog and roast him on an open fire. ruin your children's self esteem and wear it in public.
So wether your reading the obituaries, or viewing scrambled porn, or clogging your arteries, or telling a racist joke, You will LOOK. LIKE. A. TOOL. Available in blueberry, Mint, and blood flavors. And if you call now, you can recieve a free.... FLASHLIGHT?!?!? How does that have anything to do with a snuggie...? XD
Things you didn't know about me, but should. :)
Forever Virgin<33
I'm adopting kids when I grow up, so I can stay a forever virgin. :)
I want to adopt a baby from Africa, India or Peru. I want a beautiful unique dark baby. That's one life I can improve from slums to the land of the free. I'll give it more love then it needs and care for it. I want to adopt a black baby boy and name it Michael after Michael Jackson of course. I want a little girl next, from India, and another little boy and girl from Peru. The more little lives I can glorify, is another cup of hot cocoa for my heart. I want to help all of them. :)
Also, yes. I'm weird. I'm warning you. If you can't handle it, get out of my life, NOW. Don't say a word about it. Just get out. I'm done with stupid people judging me and caring what people think about me. Screww it ;)
And warning, I've changed. A LOTT. So if you haven't experienced it yet, I'd say don't even try. 'Kayy thanksss?? Yesssum,,,.
Bipolar,
Depression,
Social Anxiety Disorder (S.A.D.)
Agoraphobia. I am Agoraphobic.
Depersonalization,
Derealisation,
are other dissociative methods of withdrawing from anxiety. That's how'ee dooit.
Anxiety and Panic attacks are in order for:The rest of my life.
My heart's racing, I can feel it pounding in my chest. The adrenaline building up,
I'm about to vomit, but in a wonderful way.
Then, I realize this is NOT what should be happening to a normal teenager.
I'm laying in my bed, still as a Gargoyle, and I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff.
Just thought you'd like a glimpse into my life.
Mmmkay? Bye :)
People these days, UGHH!
People these days are making it harder to be a good person.
They expect me to be a good person,
They want me to do everything right,
They blame me for everything. When I'm trying as hard as I possibly can.
You guys don't understand.
When you say "I'm dying. I don't know what's happening. I'm freaking out. I can't.... meghh... I don't.... I like.....mehh." is basically saying
"I'm sad, and it's all your fault and there's nothing you can do about it, and also I WANT FRIGGEN ATTENTION BECAUSE I DON'T GET ENOUGH ALREADY!!! also I had a point to this complaint but I give up because I'm lazy as hell"
It angers me because I know what your secret intentions are and I've had enough of them.
I've had enough of people doing this and stressing me out,
Trying to make me feel like a bad person or a bad friend if I don't constantly interrogate them until they're happy and bust out laughing. THIS IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! Even if you're sad because of me, wether I did anything wrong or not, It's UP TO YOU HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING. YOU CHOOSE, NOT ME. I'M NOT THE BAD GUY.
UNDERSTAND?!?!? 'Kayy, good. Glad we had this little talk, Everyone.
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